wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
