You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I forget how to act sober
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
