Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
