Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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