He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It all started with a game of naked twister.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
