Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
