Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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