Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
