I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
