these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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