we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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