If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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