OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
