i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
