I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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