saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
