i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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