well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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