You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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