1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
now i know why i became what i already was.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
