you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
