If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
