I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
