Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
