Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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