Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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