The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
