Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I cockslap morals
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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