Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
