just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
