You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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