the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
