I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
