he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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