My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
