between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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