i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
