Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Everyone says I win the strip club
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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