ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
