Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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