Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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