It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
