I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
