I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize