Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
