I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
