Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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