I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
