just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
