I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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