All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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