Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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