you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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