porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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