We won't sleep together?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
