i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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