I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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