he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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