I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
