U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Welp...herpes.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
