make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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