The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
