I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
