I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
