I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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