Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
