Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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