the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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