I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
