Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
