remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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