Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
