mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize