you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
